2000-11-04

feeling kinda

rather appropriately, i had this song playing while i was composing my answer for this month's If... collab. while i'm not a particularly religious person, as in organized worship, spirituality is a cornerstone for me. as always, ani got me thinking. what does it mean to lead a spiritual life? maybe doing the best you can, here and now, is the truest way.

if my life were a movie
there would be a sunset
and the camera would pan away
but the sky is just a little sister
tagging along behind the buildings
trying to imitate their grey
the little boys are breaking bottles
against the sidewalk
the big boys too
the girls are hanging out at the candy store
pumping quarters into the phone
because they don't want to go home

i think
what if no one's watching
what if when we're dead
we are just dead
i mean what
what if god ain't looking down
what if he's looking up instead

if my life were a movie
i would light a cigarette
and the smoke would curl
around my face
everything i do
would be interesting
i'd play the good guy
in every scene
but i always feel i have to
take a stand
and there's always someone on hand
to hate me for standing there
i always feel i have to open my mouth
and every time i do
i offend someone somewhere

but what
what if no one's watching
what if when we're dead
we are just dead
what if there's no time to lose
what if there's things we gotta do
things that need to be said

you know i can't apologize
for everything i know
i mean you don't have to agree with me
but once you get me going
you better just let me go
we have to be able to criticize
what we love
to say what we have to say
'cause if you're not trying
to make something better
you are just in the way

i mean what
what if no one's watching
what if when we're dead
we are just dead
what if god is just an idea
someone put in your head

ani difranco

yesterday tomorrow