the danish outpost
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hot and cold running emotions

03.10.2002

feeling kinda how a girl feels

oh, today has just been a hot and cold running fountain of emotions.

see, i'm still feeling a bit manic. sad things set me off so easily. and little things like seeing the sad look on little schmoopie's face when i leave in the morning just kills me. strat has been grieving in his own way. part of him really likes being spoiled. and he's digging that he gets all the attention.

but when i say goodbye to him in the morning, ask him to take messages and maybe do some of the dishes, he starts looking all freaked out. so i don't joke with him now. 'it's okay about the messages, baby. that's what the answering machine is for. i've been lying to you all along.' *squeak* *purr* 'i promise, i'll be back tonight, baby. i promise.' i've even dropped in at lunch a few times. on a conscious level, i'm doing it because i forgot something, or had to run an errand, or whatever. but really, i want to stop by and reassure white kitty that i haven't disappeared, not like stanz.

and i got the paperwork for stanzi's cremation recently. i'm having a hard time working thru that one. i want to get her a nice urn, and maybe when i figure out where the right place is, scatter her ashes somewhere where i think she might be happy. or maybe just keep it on my altar... i don't know. i knew i wanted to do this. but it's killing me to look at the form.

then i think, this is wrong. if i'm going to do this, i should send in the paperwork, and let her go. [stop reading here if pet issues are tough, and skip to the next paragraph, which i promise will be cheerier.] and then i thought, oh god, what are they doing with her body? where are they keeping her? and i had a flash of my little fur baby on dry ice, waiting for me to get off my lazy ass and send in the check. this had me in tears for quite some time.

there were good things that happened today, tho. i had placed an order with Amazon a while back, and had sort of forgotten that a package was headed my way. it showed up today, and i got two treats.

treat number one: a large, straight sided skillet. yeah, yeah, i have three other frying pans. but i don't have anything that's veyr good for sauteeing up some chicken. um... how many Es in sauteeing? because for just a minute, i forgot how to spell. i tried one, i tried two, i went back to one, and i'm still not sure i got it right. thankfully, you don't have to be able to spell it to do it. you just need a spiffy straight sided pan.

treat number two: a book on my family history. honest. and not just family in general, yeah my gram belongs to the DAR so i'll read about the Revolution kind of history. nope, nosiree bob. no, this book is on my great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather. there's even a picture of him on the cover. and i can see the family resemblance. looks just like my grampie.

it is just the coolest thing. a whole damn book, about my family! how nifty is that? i am thrilled beyond belief. i'm already a few chapters into it; took myself out to lunch, read for an hour, loved it. and i love that it's not dry, boring, dusty history. well, i probably wouldn't see it that way anyhow. 'cuz it's my family. :) but in addition, the author has a very wry sense of humor. how many people can make 16th century land wars in Ireland vaguely amusing from time to time?

so, there you go. good stuff, bad stuff, nifty stuff, sad stuff. hot and cold running... yeah.

yesterday :: tomorrow

your moment of...
2000-2002 by eac. feel free to link to my site; if you do, please drop me a line.
ambience
listening to/watching: The Blind Boys of Alabama
reading: 'bout my family!
random: '...the menacing stone fortress at Leap, where bloody murders occurred with unnerving frequency.' okay, i found that

recently
*tap tap* hellooo?
i think i've been tricked
steely grey days
warm food for cold weather
the appeal of the broken boy

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