first we think we want the bad boys, the ones that break all the rules, that light up in the no smoking area, that wear a little too much eyeliner, that play for the band, that start the day with a beer and a joint, that you could never really take home to meet your mother, altho she might also be secretly thrilled by his swagger and leather.
and then it turns out that all that hard living means they burn out a bit early. sure, you might try to live the rock star life style for a while. but maybe it gets tired for you, too. so you look for a boy who's not so bad. and then you discover the broken boy. the one who had his heart tramped on by some heartless soul, who can't quite figure out what he wants to do with his life, altho he has a lot of Ideas. the one who takes you out for a lovely dinner, and then falls apart when he can't figure out how to cover his bills the next month.
so you take the broken boy by the hand, and soothe him, and kiss his forehead, and help him balance his checkbook, and do his laundry because he'll never figure out how to sort colors and whites.
and after a little while of this, he doesn't look so much broken as helpless. and you really don't have enough energy for his problems and yours. because it's not as if he has any energy for your problems, so you're shouldering both. so you begin the messy process of extricating yourself from the swamp.
then you meet another boy, and he's bright and charming and knows how to tie his own tie. he makes you laugh, and you think this might work. and it turns out that he's broken, too, just a little, not as bad as the last one, maybe this one is worth working on, he seems to know how to give something back to you, it's not the same soul sucking black hole... and then you find that it is.
despite all of this, the broken boy is still appealing, and i don't understand it.
yes, i do.
the appeal of the broken boy is almost irresistible. you always think you can fix him. he isn't bad, per se. just needs some tweaking. you fall under the delusion, every damn time. you're the one who can do it. his sweet smile, sense of humor, the way he distractedly caresses your shoulder blade while the two of you are talking, all give you hope. you become convinced that you can tease out the better person hiding within him. you never see the forest for the trees. there is nothing wrong with him. he's just not for you, is all.