so, i slept all day again. it's amazing how strenous mental stress can be. it takes a toll on your body as well as your brain. functioning for a full day yesterday, and then seeing a show, just wiped me out again.
i did watch a little bit of the 9/11 special, because i felt like i should. it was intense and amazing (not in a good way) to see that in the middle of it point of view. i somehow felt vaguely guilty about turning it off, because it seemed like it was disrespectful not to watch it all. but at a certain point, it became too much for my brain, sort of like standing in front of the oncoming train. so i switched over to other stuff that was less taxing.
i also have to make sure i go to bed early enough to get some sleep, because i simply can't be late for work. can't. end of story.
and i'm smoking again. i'm not going to lose sleep over it. i came so close to checking myself in for some long term care that i figure i have bigger fires to fight right now, so to speak. i'll need to come back to deal with the addiction again. but for now, i'm willing to cut myself some slack.
i don't enjoy it as much as i did before, and i often go for long periods of time without one, plus i don't light up as automatically anymore. i sit for a minute when the impulse hits to see if i really want one, or if it's just an unconscious reach for the box. often that does the trick.
okay. i still haven't done laundry, and there are bills screaming my name. and i really should change the sheets on the bed. but for now, none of that. for now, early to bed, maybe read a little bit, and then get a full night of sleep so that i can be prepared for going back to work tomorrow and facing an office full of real live people.