the danish outpost
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further adventures in recuperation

02.12.2001

feeling kinda how a girl feels

erg. other than a singular burst of energy last night, i've been a slug all weekend. sort of continues the theme of Sickly Invalid from last week.

it's really boring to be sick. i don't like it. the dustballs in the corner make me feel sicker, but i don't have the energy to clean them up. the dishes pile up, and it's hard to get excited about making food when it all tastes blicky and i'm full after just a few bites. and i don't really have the focus to read anything much. i've even had a hard time with magazine articles; i keep jumping to the end to see how the story comes out.

plus, grey kitty is having intestinal issues. she's on antibiotics, in the hopes that the creatinine levels indicate an infection, not kidney trouble. the vet had also given her fluids while she was in the hospital. one or both of those has given her the runs. i came home last night to a puddle on the kitchen floor, sort of near the box, but not near enough. it was all i could do not to make another mess on the floor as i was cleaning it up. (i don't have a particularly strong stomach on the best of days.)

well, aren't you glad i shared that with you? ;)

in other news, one of my friends has me worried. he and i were supposed to meet up last Thursday. didn't happen, and i haven't heard from him. come to think of it, i hadn't heard from him for a few days before that. it's not like him. i've left a few messages, to no avail. now, i know that i'm prone to obsess over little things. but this has me well and truly concerned, and i don't think it's obsessing. *frown* i think i may check in with some mutual friends tomorrow, if i don't hear anything.

le sigh... Christmas is only about three weeks away. and it seems like a big chore. for a lot of reasons, i'm just not excited about it this year. i'm undecided about a tree, but leaning towards not having one. too much work. then again, if i make the effort, maybe it will get me in the mood. sitting on the couch, watching the lights - might cheer me up.

i think i'm going to make a list tomorrow, people to send cards to, people to get gifts for. doing it in small steps will make it easier. so, if i get the card list done and pick out cards... okay, i tried to buy cards last week. it was overwhelming. too many choices!! i panicked, and ran out of the store, telling myself that i didn't know how many cards i needed, so it didn't make sense to get any yet. but mostly, i didn't want to make a decision.

see, i have this idea that i have to pick out the Perfect Cards. you know, the ones that sum up the holiday spirit perfectly, in exactly the right words that will make people deliriously happy to have opened their mail. eh. did i mention that i often create stupidly high standards for myself?

and presents... i can't even begin to think what to get for some people. usually, the right present sort of ... presents itself, to coin a phrase. not this year. maybe i just haven't given it enough thought yet. hey, if you're on my gift list, drop me a note and tell me what's on your Santa list, would you?

and trying to figure out where to be, who to see, making sure that i spend time with everyone who wants to see me, and that i get to see the people i want to... feh. it shouldn't be this complicated.

fortunately, our office isn't having it's party until after the first of the year. i can't tell you how happy i am about that. one less commitment, one less outfit to plan, one less date to find between now and Christmas.

i'm slowly coming to the decision that i'm doing Nothing, not a damn thing, for New Year's. there's this pressure to go out and have fun, be at some party and have the Time of the Year, and i've caved to it every year. some years it worked; most years, it doesn't. and maybe this year, i'll spend the night alone, with a bottle of wine and a good movie, call some friends and wish them well, and curl up in bed at a reasonable time. me and the kitties, having a quiet, pleasant evening at home. not such a bad way to wind down the old year and get ready to face the new one, eh? at least, that's what i'm working on.

yesterday :: tomorrow

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