the danish outpost
updated when time and inspiration allow. latest and greatest always in the blog.
can i feel better, please?

2001-08-24

feeling kinda how a girl feels

ew, ick, bleargh. i feel like crap on toast. i've felt this way all week, but i've been fighting it off. i refuse to be sick. i keep thinking it must just be allergies.

it hasn't been as bad as all that, as flu in the winter is wont to be. but it's bad enough. you shouldn't feel like this in the summer. summer, you get sunburn issues, you deal with allergies, you might even get a cold. but the flu? i blame it all on others, because i refuse to accept that i might be responsible for all this. then again, there is some sort of fluish thing going around the office, picking us off one at a time like a sniper, and the HVAC system here rots. so i suppose i shouldn't be surprised about this. it still sucks.

the truly down side is that my immune system is highly compromised these days. a flare up of IBS and drastic weight loss in a short period of time will do that to you. my body is more worried about staying functional, as in breathing and digesting, than it is worried about fighting off an infection. usually, i can just refuse to be sick. getting up, looking in the mirror, and saying 'nope, won't be sick. don't have time,' does the trick. but i fear i'm fighting a losing battle this time.

what really burns me is the thought that i might have to use sick time to be sick. sick time is for when you have stuff to do, or feel moderately unwell. when you're truly sick, they should just give you the day, gratis. yes? yes. i think so.

so. so, i've been fever-y, dizzy, punchy, low blood sugar kind of nasty out of focus today. and this has been a bad day for that. we're at the close end of a project, and there just isn't time for this. there are too many problems to deal with. i think my office mates thought i was around the bend today, because i ranted at length about the smallest things. except, in my world, the smallest things seem like Mount Shasta. they were patient, to a point. when i realized that they were listening with mouths gaping open and eyes glazed, i apologized, shut up, and crawled back to my desk.

even worse, i had to deal with the UnHelp Desk today. since we've been bought out, a lot of issues have to go thru the Home Office. the people answering the phone? i'd like to check their pulses. i swear... they aren't even monkeys on crack on the phones. just plain old, garden variety monkeys. maybe only toads.

for example: let me try to sum up the three hours i went thru. (which i won't - summarize, i mean. it will be a rant. grab a cup of coffee, settle down...) i was trying to allocate a dataset. same as setting up a file on the hard drive. not rocket science. the error message i got told me that (for whatever reason) they had taken all the DASD devices offline. like leaving your monitor working but shutting off your CPU. This Is Bad. so i call the UnHelp Desk, and after 20 minutes on hold, explain this to the 'tech guy' (and i use the term loosely). he said 'you're trying to allocate a QBert dataset?' no... *grrr* a VSAM dataset. 10 more minutes on hold. and suddenly, my session is terminated. i lose all my data, because they didn't warn me so i could save it.

gahhhhh! argh! WTF?! um, hi? why did you unceremoniously blow me out of the water? him: 'well, your session was locked up.' NO. no, it wasn't. i was NOT locked up. i was getting an error message. me: 'and why do you think this will solve the problem?' him: 'now you have access.' *submit job again* oh. big fucking surprise - same error message. all the volumes are unavailable. him: 'oh.' gah! shitfuckpissdamn. i could have told you that wouldn't fix it.

at this point, i lose my cool. (yes, i had already lost it in my head. but i hadn't been short up til then with him.) 'could you at least put me on the phone with someone who knows what they're doing?' and i quote - 'um, that's not possible right now.' small explosions in my brain, fireworks on the inside of my eyelids...

*deep breath* okay, let me explain the bottom line to you (i say to him). none of us can get any work done until this problem is resolved. how soon can you have someone get back to me? 'wellllll... the usual turnaround time is about 2 hours.' *head in hands* i give up. I Give Up.

fortunately, a small miracle occured, and a sysadmin called me back within 20 minutes, and fixed the problem. whoo hoo! he got all kinds of thank yous and props from me. i really should have asked who his manager was, so i could send the kudos up the chain.

does this give you a small taste of why my job is frustrating these days?

*sigh* in other news... i did finally call my gram today, to thank her for my birthday check (which i had tried to recover from the garbage the other day). it was... okay. she wasn't doing well verbally. or maybe she was, and i just don't know what good and bad are anymore. it took all my concentration to listen to her, and pick words or phrases out of what she said, in order to respond reasonably. *deep sigh* i did my best. and i think she was happy about the conversation, which is all that really matters.

whoofdy. well, at least the show tonight was a gift of sorts. small segue: i'm watching the puppies for frenchy tonight and tomorrow, so i ducked out of work early to walk and feed them. b was cool enough to give me a ride home (truth be told, i think he was happy for an excuse to leave, but that's another story...). got them walked and fed and petted, and got down to the Pavilion only a little late.

this was such an easy show. trust me, there have been many more challenging, like any of the rap or heavy metal shows last year. (beer dumped on me, fist fights, etc.) the headliner was Dar Williams, whom i realized i saw years and years ago opening for Joan Baez. i was very happy to see her again. the bill was a bit schizophrenic, tho. opening act? Great Blue Sea. very cute, in an Irish bar band, kick ass, bar brawl kind of way. it would have made more sense to see them at, say, the Phoenix. it was still very cool to hear them. it was just a bit odd walking in thinking we were working a 'girl with guitar' kind of show, and having to keep people from diving the stage. i don't understand how they ended up on the same bill.

i want to get all their albums. very awesome music. and once they left, so did half the audience. see, this is what i mean about the mismatch. don't get me wrong - i like both bands. but normally a double bill is more evenly matched, tempermentally, and if there is a quieter act, that's the opener. this was all topsy turvy. the rest of the show was highly mellow, and i had the chance to walk around and talk with all kinds of cool people. i was very grateful for an easy night, considering that tomorrow will be much more... interesting.

yesterday :: tomorrow

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