07.02.2002
feeling kinda
i've been feeling a craving for companionship lately, and have been leaning on my friends a little more than usual. while they've been great, it's still not what i'm looking for. i want one of my own. as in, i want someone to hug me and be there. i don't really want to date, per se, with all that that entails. and i don't want a relationship, exactly. and i don't even want ... personal calisthenics, shall we say. i just miss contact.
i've mentioned this to a couple of friends, half joking that they should dig up a nice single boy for me. mostly, they joke back and agree to give it some thought. but my ex boyfriend managed to floor me with his response.
'you should try 13 stepping.'
i sat there, agape, for a minute, staring across the table at him. he couldn't possibly mean... it must be some line dance i've never heard of, right?
wrong. he actually did mean that i should pick the 12 step program of my choice, go to meetings, and troll for single guys.
gack!
first of all, that's disgusting. it's sort of like saying i should hang out in the ER or my therapist's lobby, fixing my mascara and waiting hopefully. people go to those meetings to deal with issues, not find a date.
second, did i mention i want a nice single guy... with no issues? 13 stepping, in addition to being vaguely morbid, pretty well guarantees some level of baggage. i am so over that. i've been with compulsive liars, drug users, alcoholics, momma's boys, control freaks, cheaters, and the terminally confused. enough. really, i mean it. just - enough.
it's not as if i'm asking for a perfect person, and i know i come with my own issues. but jeez louise! *shakes head* 13 stepping pretty well guarantees that the deck is stacked against you from the start.
plus, i'm superstitious. 13 is a bad number. even if i *did* do that and met someone, it would be jinxed from the outset.
pah. i can't even believe he suggested that with a straight face.
