2001-04-25

feeling kinda

i'm not feeling particularly voluble tonight. migraines will do that to you. funny, i usually get a migraine when my period starts, and i know when it's going to happen, so you'd think i might take a little preventive action and take my medicine, right? nope. i don't remember the migraine is going to come until it's already here. i prefer to call it willful ignorance rather than denial, thankyouverymuch.

you know, i should say that things aren't really all that bleak. there are good things happening. and most of the time, i can feel myself planted in the here and now. but i liked the way that piece turned out, and decided not to tinker with it.

found a beautiful site today: the American Buddhist Center. it's gorgeous, and there's a wealth of information there. the animations are delicate, pretty eye candy. and the chant room is wonderful. well worth exploring.

so i was shuffling papers around the other night, and i can't even remember what i was looking for, but i found an old notebook with some writing. of course, this got me searching for another notebook, which i haven't found yet. and it will make me crazy until it turns up, the thought that it's sitting somewhere obvious and i'm missing it.

oddly, i used to write a lot of poetry. odd because i don't think of myself as a poetic wordsmith. prose is more my gig. but maybe i should stretch a little and try poetry again. here's the one i found last night.

i have not yet washed the tracks
�����of you
����������off my body, preferring
���������������to drowse

i wake later,
�����with the taste of you on my skin,
�����the smell of you in my hair,
�����your warmth lingering
����������on the pillow and on
���������������my thighs.

it is as if, unwilling to leave me,
����������you have found a way
�����to stay, wrapped around me,
�����chest pressed against back,
�����breath fluttering against neck,
�����arms and legs and
����������fingers entangled.

i drowse again, curling deeper
����������into this dream of you.

what do you think? good? bad? i actually like the look of it better on paper. something about handwriting just fits better. and i used to use this French brand of notebook, with graph paper instead of lines, and each section is a different color. deep blue ink spilling over green paper... it looks prettier that way. maybe if i can get ahold of a scanner, i'll scan up the original.

and now i really, *really* want to find that other notebook. it has my stab at trying on the styles of e. e. cummings and Frank O'Hara. it's one way to learn to write. and i was rather happy with how they turned out. and it's got one line in it: 'my lover has taught me to peel oranges.' which was true. and it has a nice ring to it. damn. how is it that i can remember one line i wrote 15 years ago, but when i get up from my desk at work, i forget if i got up to get coffee or go to the print room?

oh, in the CD right now, all of my David Gray albums. so, yeah. uh, ken? i lied. there is a band i'd kill to see. and he's it. i'm so psyched to be working that show this weekend. see, i told you good things were happening. 8)

yesterday :: tomorrow