2001-05-24
feeling kinda
people rarely feel neutral about this issue. sides are chosen, heated opinions are shared - relationships have been ended if you don't agree. it wouldn't suprise me if wars had been started because of this.
the issue? underwear. yup.
ah, the eternal debate. boxers versus briefs. men's style of underwear. butches also face this issue, not just guys. my best friend's girlfriend has the same sort of dilemma. and not all guys, i suppose. i'm guessing that RuPaul is more about the silk thong. but i'm just guessing.
noone really gives women a hard time about underwear. i mean, short of being asked 'thongs or bloomers?' the other night in a tit for tat sort of way, as i'd just asked the dreaded b v. b question, i've never gotten any complaints about the kind of underwear i choose. and i think pretty much it boils down to this: the naked woman is inherently attractive. y'all don't care what we're wearing. you just want it off, so as to get to the good bits. now, naked men... well, let's just say goofy. even in the most aroused of moments, i find myself thinking that guys are just goofy looking when naked.
oh, i'm not trying to throw a bucket of cold water on the whole idea of getting naked. far from it. i think that a liberal dose of humor improves nearly every situation. humor and sensuality are by no means mutually exclusive. but that's veering off into a completely different topic. 8)
back to the point: briefs are just completely wrong. oh, yes, they are. Wrong. why, you ask? (somewhere, someone is standing in front of a mirror, throwing his hands up in the air, and saying 'what? what's the problem? because frankly, i don't see one. there is no problem here.') :sigh: where to start... how about this: if i picture a guy in briefs, which invariably will be white, it's a throwback to 7th grade gym class. not sexy. gym class scared me, 7th grade was hell, and i didn't like boys then.
get over it and grow up, you say? alrighty, fine. let's fast forward to my marriage, shall we? fritz wore briefs. and while i had grown up some, it's debatable as to whether he ever did. his mother is probably still buying his underwear. i swear to god, if your mother is still buying your socks and underwear when you're 30, there is something seriously wrong. she would go to Costco or some bargain place and get the multipacks of white tube socks and white briefs. gah! i finally put my foot down and told him that if he was incapable of dressing himself, he should at least let his *wife* do it, not his mother. then i put the other foot down and left.
so, you get the picture? briefs = Bad Nasty Emotional Places.
and let's talk about color for a minute, shall we? let's. color is good. color is your friend. plain white is wrong and bad, for many reasons, not the least of which being that they never really stay white, do they? oh, get out of the gutter. it's a laundry problem. do you remember to sort your whites out into a separate load and toss in a little bleach? no, neither do i, most of the time. so your white underwear will turn the color of 'sock in wash', probably sooner rather than later. and dingy underwear is a huge turn off. not to mention, your mother would be embarrassed when they pull you out of the car wreck. (complete tangent - growing up, my mother had me worried that someday i'd be wearing the emergency underwear - that ratty pair we all have saved away for laundry day - end up in an accident and/or have to go to the doctor's for some reason, and be humiliated to death because my underwear was substandard. okay. back to our regularly scheduled topic.)
boxers, baby - that's my preference. boxers are the preferred mode of transportation. they look good. and it's all about presentation. boxers lend an air of mystique. don't go down the whole 'it's just camouflage for the lesser man' road - bullshit. it's not about size, it's about technique, anyway, but that's another essay. silk, cotton, flannel, pattern or no - doesn't matter. boxers are sexy, plain and simple. i like to watch the other person undress. slowly. strip down to the boxers. tease me. make me want. aw, yeah...
boxer briefs have their own sweet and lovely aesthetic appeal. moderately fitted to show off that lovely sexy tush, still a little adventure - also sexy. and they're a reasonable compromise. hey, i can understand needing to watch out for the boys. much the same as needing the right bra for the girls, i would think. that's precious cargo we're talking about, and sometimes it's better to keep things in hand, so to speak.
or just go commando. hell, i'd take commando over briefs any day of the week. not every day of the week, mind you. it's better as the occasional treat, just when it's least expected. hee hee.
