01.03.2002

feeling kinda

ah... a second guest entry, from the ever wonderful Drew. if you missed the first installation, he and i got talking one night about the random shit one overhears in the bar. god love him, he has an entire notebook of them. so here you go. giggle away.

(note, of course, that since these were overheard in a drinking establishment, the content tends towards the colorful. you've been warned.)

• Why am I so easy to get over?
• Next time I get mad at someone, I'll wear a shirt.
• Being frustrated is disagreeable, but the real disasters in life begin when you get what you want.
• Drew, the last time I tried to drink with you, I ended up on my face.
• I entitle myself to one moral change-of-heart a week.
• To the true poet, God has given the mission to say what he suffers.
• Hope is an obligation.
• She was my orgasm, man.
• She's not 'in'...she sucked the President's dick.
• One of the greatest gifts you can get as a writer is to be born into an unhappy family.
• You when you're getting your kicks hooking people up with weed, you've got problems.
• So you're in the woods with a prophylactic...I mean, a paraplegic.
• He only got armpit 'cause ass and groin were already taken.
• I always like to break shit.
• Shit...you're smokin' dope, I'm shootin' guns. What's the difference?
• If you had a dog, would it be common courtesy to jerk him off?
• It's not like there's Stormtroopers walking around in my nuts!
• You've never seen 'Barnyard Betty'? It's a fucking classic, man. It's the 'Gone With the Wind' of bestiality videos.
• Basically, I just want to be the baddest motherfucker in the world.
• Gin and my piss is the favorite drink of many people.
• A pessimist is someone who thinks that everyone else is as nasty as themselves, and hates them for it.
• Ain't nothin' 'bout soberness here!
• There is no West Virginia.
• Right, and those were whittled by a Mexican beaver.
• If we get desperate for alcohol, we can always re-hydrate and suck my pants.
• I love it when girls try and do things.
• Don't put wierd shit in my brain.
• Penises here are energetic and ongoing.
• Give up what you think you have to say, and you'll find something better.
• Sometime a while back my mind met my mouth, and I like it.
• I used to make my He-Man action figures break-dance.
• Tequila: puts hair on your chest and weight in your nuts.
• My life is a contraceptive.
• Would you share your wenches and grapes?
• That looks like a bong my grandmother would have.
• My mouth tastes gross...that's why I'm going to smoke this cigarette.
• Poop does not equal toy.
• I am the fucking Lord of the Dance, and noone gives a shit!
• If a girl isn't cool, she may as well be hot.
• He's the Greekest homophobe ever.

yesterday :: tomorrow