2001-05-13
feeling kinda
seems like the standard update time has become somewhere around 11 pm, or later, if i've been out. think this has anything to do with the rather mellow take on the latest entries? it appears my sleepy brain is a bit kinder, or at least less analytical. 8)
woke up this morning with the idea of not doing much of anything at all. then i lay there for a while, and out of habit, started making lists. clean this, run that errand, write those projects, get the marketing letters done... i wasn't even out of bed, and i already felt behind. so instead, i made a conscious decision to just do *something* today. no lists, no beating myself up for what didn't get done. started with a cup of hazelnut tea, splash of vanilla soy milk, listening to Jazz Brunch on the local station, and puttering around on the computer. thought about calling mom to wish her happy mother's day, but they're on vacation, so i just sent warm thoughts her way. got a lovely note from Tanya (hi, T! i'll write back soon, promise.). oh, and for reasons i haven't worked out yet, i started a blog. no, it's not linked here yet. i need to tinker with it some more first, and make it look pretty. as if i don't already have enough cyber toys...
eventually i'd had enough of wearing jammies, and meandered into the shower. usually, this is where the list making pops back in. instead, i just daydreamed.
gradually started doing things around the house, and got quite a bit more done than i had anticipated. it's spring, and i cleaned, so i guess it qualifies as spring cleaning, even tho i didn't do the usual pull out all the stops, clean the window panes with a toothbrush, move all the furniture and mop everything within an inch of its life (or mine). the place is still cleaner than it was this morning, and that's enough. there's a load of laundry finishing up as i write, and i'll have fluffy clean blankets to snuggle into when i go to sleep.
didn't even leave the house today. i did have the windows open all day to get some fresh air into the place, and to give the kitties a place to sit. (open window = kitty TV) i must have needed this; normally i get claustrophobic being here the whole day, and somewhere around 8 pm i start plotting where to go for a drink and a chat. nope. not tonight.
my friends say i'm too hard on myself, push myself to do too much. it never feels that way. i feel supremely lazy most days. all a matter of perspective, i guess. what i think is enough looks like more to others, maybe. or maybe i just had ridiculously high standards drilled into me at an early age.
in any event, it was a lazy Sunday, and i liked it.
the craziness starts up again tomorrow, of course. there are three projects on my desk that i've been looking at sidelong, trying to muster the interest to start them. if they had hard deadlines, i'd be more motivated. oh, yeah, i know - set a deadline for yourself and build the motivation. feh. but if *i* set the deadline, i only need to answer to myself, and that never works very well. they've been sitting there for too long, now. i've got to chunk out the work and tackle it in small bite-sized pieces.
well, that's boring, isn't it? aren't you glad i shared my little quasi pep talk with you? ;)
having done a fair amount of chores today, i think i'm going to go reward myself by doing my nails some shiny springy color, and then crawl into bed. sweet dreams, y'all.
