the danish outpost
updated when time and inspiration allow. latest and greatest always in the blog.
the music in my head


feeling kinda how a girl feels

random question: when did they start producing Homer Simpson porn? :groans: and i probably just doubled the number of hits i'll get in my referrer logs for that little gem...

i've been a little freaked out the past three days. Saturday night, i was watching a movie, and the vision in my left eye slowly went. well, more like, things arrived. i started seeing this flickering, just out of my peripheral vision. it looked like a dying neon sign, blinking away, or the lights on a ferris wheel. at first, i thought my TV might be dying (reasonable assumption, as it's on its last legs). then i thought i needed to clean my glasses (an infrequent act in my life). but it kept getting worse. i couldn't focus on the lights; they kept drifting out of my range of vision. then it started to look more like the fluttery shadow you see if you have a ceiling light/fan on. didn't matter if i closed one eye or the other or both. the lights and flickering were still there. finished watching the movie, and decided to go to sleep and see if the problem was still there in the morning.

got up Sunday, all fine. no blinking, no floaters, nothing beyond the usual early morning bleariness. so, fine, i think. it was odd, but now it's gone.

then today, as i was working on my computer at work, it came back. i think, hrm. maybe it's the glare on the monitor. i put down the blinds on the window behind my desk. no good. it gets worse. i can't see enough of the monitor to do any work. this is now seriously wigging me out. for those of you who missed the back story, i had a cereberal hemmorage a few years back, which at the time affected my sense of smell and taste as well as short term memory. it appeared to resolve itself, but it's always at the edge of my awareness. hey, once your brain pulls a stunt like that, you worry.

i called and got a doctor's appointment for the afternoon. and of course, while i was on the phone, the flickering faded away. the appointment was its own special hell; when i got there, i asked if he was running on time, because if he was late, i wanted to call the office and let my boss know. 'oh, no, he's right on time.' a half hour later, i was announced to the doctor as the 'aggravated' patient. well, i wouldn't have been aggravated if you'd told me something accurate in the first place, bitch.

the doctor and i discussed things for a while, and he ran a few tests. seems like this is all coming not from residual hemmorage damage, but from my migraines. okay, i can live with that, i guess. i mean, i've never gotten auras before, and it's less common to get auras without the pursuant headache. but it does happen. and my migraine pattern hasn't changed in about 5 years. your body cycles thru about every seven years - what you were allergic to then might not affect you now, and vice versa.

i'm still going to follow up with my regular doctor and my neurologist, because i want to know that this is a migraine aura. some things i'm casual about. the general health of my brain, not so much. and i need to watch the pattern to see if i can figure out what triggers the attacks. if i can't, or if i can but i can't control it, i'm going to have to find some sort of prophylactic medication, because this shit just isn't right. sitting there, feeling fine, but not able to see well enough to get work done isn't going to cut it.

and in other news... i finally motivated my sorry ass to make kelly's mix tape. she sent me hers about ...oh... a *month* ago. and i've been feeling guilty, while still procrastinating. people, i alphabetized all of my music last week, reasoning that it was a necessary step before i could start taping. procrastination by any other name... really, i don't think i'm that good at sequencing songs. and i didn't want to make a bad tape for her. i'm listening to the results now while i type, since i decided to dub a copy for myself. hm. came out kind of okay, i think. well, here are the tracks. you decide.

i think it's okay. a little mellower and more orchestral than i had in mind, but probably for the best, since mixing Chet Baker, Afro Celt Sound System and acid jazz might not be to everyone's tastes. 8)

yesterday :: tomorrow

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*tap tap* hellooo?
i think i've been tricked
steely grey days
warm food for cold weather
the appeal of the broken boy

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