the danish outpost
updated when time and inspiration allow. latest and greatest always in the blog.
the trouble with water is she'll always leave you for gravity

2000-11-12

feeling kinda how a girl feels

this is the song i played to my ex-husband on the way to our last (and actually, only second) counseling session. i was driving us to our appointment (driving for me was a big deal, and it's own story... and he never acknowledged my accomplishments). i asked him to really listen to the song... and he never did. he never actually listened to a thing i said. what killed me was he just said he didn't like the piano intro. he never heard the cold separation in the song. the lyrics summed up for me everything that was wrong with our marriage. i worked, and he was the man, and he didn't get it. what a fuck head.

another layer for me in hearing this song is that i had pretty much decided to leave by then, and was trying to come to terms with my own failures. the need for time, and the empty head/heart really resonated with me.

and as if things weren't complicated enough, i had found someone else by then. he seemed like he was the one, probably primarily because he was the anthithesis of fritz. of course, he wasn't the one, and he's yet another story. but as far as this song goes, he was always the one to whom i sang the third verse (in my head).

it was a rough, complicated, painful time, for many many reasons. i love ani for pulling all that together in one song.

you had time

how can i go home
with nothing to say
i know you're going to look at me that way
and say what did you do out there
and what did you decide
you said you needed time
and you had time

you are a china shop and i am the bull
you are really good food and i am full
i guess everything is timing
i guess everything's been sold
so i am coming home with an empty head

you'll say did they love you or what
and i'll say they love what i do
the only one who really loves me is you
and you'll say girl did you kick some butt
and i'll say i don't really remember
but my fingers are sore
and my voice is too

you'll say it's really good to see you
you'll say i missed you horribly
you'll say let me carry that
give that to me
and you will take the heavy stuff
and you will drive the car
and i'll look out the window and make jokes
about the way things are

how can i go home
with nothing to say
i know you're going to look at me that way
and say what did you do out there
and what did you decide
you said you needed time
and you had time

-- ani difranco

yesterday tomorrow

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*tap tap* hellooo?
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