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the adventures of duct tape man

2000-10-29

feeling kinda how a girl feels

'duct tape my fat ass, baby.'

now there's a request you never want to hear, especially from your boyfriend.

before you get any stranger ideas than are already running thru your head, here's the back story. there's a halloween party tonight at our bar, with a prize for the best costume. last year, the three of us (me, sweetie, and my best friend) went as bar flies. we dressed all in black, and made legs, wings and antenna, then did our faces up so we had fly eyes. this year, we've been racking our brains to come up with something clever. it just ain't happening. so i'm going as a victorian princess, and, inspired by Mystery Men, he's going as Duct Tape Man.

this led to a search for the costume bits. he wanted something superman-like - you know, tights and cape. so he found a tight long sleeved shirt, and some tights. now, not being a regular tights-wearer, he was a bit suprised when he tried them on. they're kinda sheer, which means the leg hair shows. ick. 'and i refuse to shave.' they've got that little knit panty top, so it looks like he's wearing red shorts. and they have a crotch. this totally freaked him out. i guess if i were going to walk around in just my nylons, i wouldn't be so keen on the quasi-crotch thing.

so off he goes, searching for a better solution. our hairdresser (yes, we both go to the same hairdresser - how cute is that? 8P ) suggested he try a dance place, and after running around to a few places, he found a bright red unitard. bingo! now come the accessories. much of last night was spent covering various things in duct tape - baseball hat, shoes, cape, and briefs. this is where the request comes in. sweetie didn't get a dance belt at the store, but felt the need for a small modicum of modesty. god only knows why, as he's going to be prancing around in tights all night. 8) when i was talking to ChicaBeanie about this, i said 'oh, he'll probably just duct tape over it', which caused her to screech - 'no, Chica, *outside* the tights, *outside* the tights!' but a quick experiment showed that wasn't going to be practical. the tape made it too tight to ... well, let's just say pissing wasn't going to be an option. so i suggested if he had an old pair of briefs he didn't mind sacrificing, he could just duct tape over them.

we went downstairs to the living room, and he started duct taping away. about half way thru, he ducked into the bathroom (no pun intended) to see if it would fit. and then he poked his head out. 'honey?' yeah... 'come in here - i need your help.' he wanted to make sure that he'd be able to bend over or sit once he got all the tape on. so he hands me the roll of tape, turns around, bends over, and says 'duct tape my fat ass.' what he meant was the widest part; when i stopped laughing, i asked 'are you serious? you really want me to crawl around your ass crack with duct tape?'

ah, the things we do for love...

on the holiday theme, is anyone else as aggravated as me that all the christmas stuff is already out in the stores? commercialism is making me crazy. halloween is the start of the holiday season, going thru new year's. and each holiday should have it's own place. christmas and hanukah stuff shouldn't come out until after thanksgiving, people! that's the way it works. i don't remember them starting this early when i was a kid. we made halloween costumes, ate enough candy to make ourselves sick, then made construction paper turkeys by tracing our hands, then spent the next few weeks reading thru the Sears catalog, trying to pick the best Christmas presents to put on our list for Santa. or maybe it's just that when i was 10, i went to school and my friend's house, not the mall. so maybe it's always been this bad. but still, it just seems wrong to see Christmas wrapping paper next to the halloween masks in the stores.

yesterday tomorrow

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