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Comics Come Home VI

2000-11-19

feeling kinda how a girl feels

"A! S S! H O! L E! I'm an asshoooooooole-di yodi yo, di yodi yo, di yodi yo...."

lemme tell you, there is nothing like being in the midst of 2500 people singing the Asshole Song along with Denis Leary at the top of their lungs to make your night. 8)

i had a great time last night. i worked the show at the Orpheum last night, and it was Comics Come Home VI, the annual fundraiser for The Neely Cancer Fund. Denis Leary's production company, Apostle, produces this show and pulls in some of the funniest people going. i actually was laughing so hard at one point that i couldn't seat people.

Denis came out on stage before the show, just to check some last minute details, with (natch) trademark cigarette in hand. i made some comment to ken about 'well, there goes the no smoking rule, eh?' ken said he'd be happy to deputize me to go tell him to put it out. i said, what, are you kidding? hell, i'd go light up *with* him given half a chance! the man is actually much taller in person that i thought he would be. usually, it works the other way around - people look tall in the movies or on TV, then you meet them and realize they aren't quite so tall as you thought. but Denis is tall... and a tall drink of water, too. the man is fine. looking all sharp in his crisp black suit, and snappy shoes... yum. 8)

it was a great show to work, too, because with a fundraiser, you get people who are pretty prompt to show up for their $100 seat. so we were done about a half hour into the show, which left us all free to just hang out and watch the rest of the show. there were about 10 people, and they all came on and did their bit, and then Denis would come out to do little riffs and intros. great bunch of comics donating their time: Steven Wright (who actually wasn't all that funny), Steve Sweeney, who made me *laugh* so hard i thought i was gonna pee, Jay Mohr, Lenny Clarke, Anthony Clark (whose standup was much funnier than any fo his sitcoms), Dane Cook, Adam Ferrara... too damn funny. Adam Ferrara's bit had a lot of not so charitable stories about his girlfriend, and Denis came out after that to say the funniest thing was Adam's girlfriend standing backstage saying 'isn't he great?'

bar none, the funniest thing all night was watching Cam Neely get completely slagged. the one woman in the show last night, Stephanie Peters, was doing a lot of bits about her weight. as she said, 'it's pretty clear i've beaten the anorexia.' at one point, she started explaining that she didn't really worry about ever going down on a plane and having to live out the movie Alive, because her particularly generous chest serves as a snack catcher. 'actually, i'm kinda hungry right now... bet i can fish out a little snack.' and she goes fishing around in her shirt, and pulls out... a bologna sandwich from under her left breast! she takes a bite, then tries to get someone from the audience to take a bite. no go. then she gets the bright idea to have Cam Neely take a bite. the follow spot operator slams a big light right on Cam, about 10 rows back from the stage. he's having none of this. maybe he just doesn't like bologna, but that sandwich and he were never going to meet. Stephanie asks someone in the audience what it would be worth to them to see Cam eat the sandwich. she managed to collect $320 cash out of the audience, all for the foundation, just to convince Cam to have a little nibble. he finally gets up, walks down to the stage, says something to Stephanie, and then walks back to his seat. no sandwich. i never thought i would see Cam Neely booed, long and loudly, in Boston. Stephanie finally admits defeat, then says, 'well, i bet Denis would eat the sandwich.' Denis comes striding out of the wings, butt dangling from the corner of his mouth, grabs the sandwich, and chows down. huge applause. Stephanie finishes her bit (which involves a story about her famous ass, but we'll get to that in a minute), and Denis comes out to introduce the next act. he doesn't say anything, just walks over to the remaining half a sandwich sitting on a rail by the band and looks down at it. 'you have a chance to redeem yourself, Cam. it's waiting right here for you.' pause. no Cam. Denis walks over to the mike, looks down at Cam, and says 'Fucking pussy.' classic Leary, and incredibly funny.

and about Stephanie's famous ass... she was offered a bit in a movie. when she read the script, there were no female roles, just a parenthetical comment - (extreme closeup of fat ass). the director came back to her and asked if he needed to explain it. 'oh, so now i'm not just a fat ass, but a stupid fat ass?' the money made all the difference, tho. so now her ass has an agent, a makeup artist, a hairdresser... don't even think about that one too much. as a famous ass, it's had to learn how to sign autographs. she goes back to the sandwich guy in the front row, and tries to hand him a pen to help her demonstrate. he finally reaches for the pen, and she whips it back, and says, 'sick bastard. my sandwich wasn't good enough for you, but it's fine to stuff a pen up my ass.' good on her! definitely got the last laugh.

oooo - and i found out that Dido is going to be opening for the Bangles, a show i didn't really want to work, but now i'll go and work just for the opening act. if you haven't checked out her CD, i'd highly recommend it.

yesterday tomorrow

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