the danish outpost
updated when time and inspiration allow. latest and greatest always in the blog.
why is it bears get to hibernate, but we don't?

2001-01-08

feeling kinda how a girl feels

i was a little scared to come back to my journal today. yeah... well, believe it or not, my own words really scared me last night. i got all weepy, and that was just no way to end an otherwise wonderful night.

we had a relatively low key day, my honey and me. went to breakfast with a friend, looked at couches, did some shopping, and went to Gargoyle's for dinner and to hear the band, The Ken Clark Organ Trio, a.k.a. Thang. it was a really good, happy night. the band always makes me smile. and then... we came back here, and i reread my entry. and it made me cry, y'all. i ended up sitting on the couch with my sweetie, crying and sobbing, and getting all puffy-eyed, and trying to explain why i was so sad, which involved a long segue about my grandfather's death (someday this will be it's own entry). it was bad enough that pablo asked what was up when he got home. and sweetie was very patient with me, listening to whole tangled discursion about the soggy mess that was my brain at that point. goddess knows, i wasn't having much patience with myself at that point. dunno how he could. i think that the trial is freaking me out more than i had realized, because i'm being very judgemental towards myself.

so, the alarm went off this morning. and i got up. and i looked in the mirror. ugh. mushrooms for eyelids, which often happens when you sob yourself to sleep. i called my boss, told him i felt like crap on toast, and wouldn't be in today. he got a little freaked out when i called him at the end of the day to see what was going on. i reassured him i'd be in tomorrow, that i had stayed home just because my face was a mess and i hadn't wanted anyone to see me like that. of course, the assault trial is coming up this week, and he immediately assumed that someone had kicked the crap out of me again. sometimes, i just have to listen to how things sound before saying them.

speaking of which, i took a pretty direct shot at my honey yesterday. if you've been following the journal, you know his ex girlfriend is an issue, and that she's dropped a ton of money on him. subtle hint on her part? you do the math. anyway, when we were out couch shopping yesterday, we found some neat bookshelves, which he's been wanting to get. and i offered to get them for him. he hemmed and hawed, and finally said that he felt weird about me spending so much money on him (they were about $125). i looked at him and said, 'well, you didn't have any qualms about the camera.' that hit home, with a resounding thunk. he agreed to let me get him the bookshelves. while the guy was going out back to see if they were in stock, i offered that it was a pretty low blow, but didn't apologize. he said that he feels a bit whingey about it, because i'm not made of money. 'neither is she, but that didn't stop you from accepting the camera', i pointed out. and he shut up. so far, that's been the end of the discussion. i have a feeling that it will surface again later, tho, as he tries to process why he's acted the way he has. and if it turns into an argument, so be it. catty as the comment was, i feel pretty good about calling him on his goddamn double standard.

so today was all about sleeping, and reading, and surfing around a little, but mostly about hiding out. [son - sorry i haven't called.] found a web page for my honey that lists tech companies in state by location; maybe he'll find a few leads off there. one of his requirements is a short commute. 8) got really frustrated with TV Guide; i went there to fill out the ballot for the People's Choice awards. after filling out the entire ballot, i hit the submit button, and am promptly slapped with an error page, informing me that they can't possibly accept my ballot because my browser is not java enabled, and won't accept cookies (wrong on both counts). needless to say, they got an irate letter, blasting their half-assed interface, because any good programmer could certainly detect both of those facts *in the beginning*, and head users off before they wasted their time filling out the ballot. not to mention the fact that they were *wrong* - did i mention that? wankers.

oh. mi. gawd. got pointed to this little film by one of the fabulous people in pamie's forum. if you've ever seen The Iron Chef on FoodTV, you have got to see this gem of a short film. it's a perfect spoof of the show, and when they unveiled the secret ingredient... well, you just have to see it for yourself. thank god some people have way too much time on their hands.

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