the danish outpost
updated when time and inspiration allow. latest and greatest always in the blog.
leaking out of my brain

2001-08-07

feeling kinda how a girl feels

birthday countdown: 12 days.

oh. my. lord. it is disgustingly hot. so hot, in fact, that i started chanting 'AC, AC, AC' when the alarm went off to provide some motivation for myself to get to work instead of staying home and drowning in a pool of my own sweat. here's the thing: if i'm gonna be this hot and sweaty, i should at least be having fun. i'm not having fun.

herewith, an entry that reflects the sodden sorry state of my mind. the best i can do you is flipping thru my paper journal and fishing out some bits i've squirrelled away for the blog.

i did try to do some real writing tonight, really i did. after work i went over to Casa Bs and camped out in the sluggish AC with my notebook. i got a lot scribbled down, but no real entries. i was also distracted by the game. or at least, that's my excuse. they had a stunning four game sweep of the Rangers, only to be followed by tonite's sadness out in Oakland. what a messed up park that is... half baseball, half football. they tear down the mound when they switch over, and i thought i heard the guys on ESPN say they'd already done that once this year. seems to me they'd schedule the games a bit better than that, especially since the mound is pretty key. Fossum didn't seem very happy with it. he kept stepping off and looking at it.

i should have paid attention to my horoscope today. it said something about speaking gently. and i tried to, but apparently one or two conversations didn't get heard that way. spats with two of the guys in the office ensued. bleargh. maybe the heat is getting to all of us.

i have a sketch in my notebook of a skyscraper in New York that i did when i was on the train back from Jersey. the woman next to me was trying to keep her kids entertained, and asked one of them to draw what they saw in the city. the kid protested that she couldn't. mom said 'just draw how you feel about the city - any images. i want to know what you saw.' so i did. :)

i find that i make notes about all sorts of odd things. taking the bus thru Fall River a while back, the guy next to me struck up a conversation. he was trying to make it down for a construction job. i very carefully wrote down his name, Eddie, on the upper corner of a page and drew a box around it. i'm horrible with names, and thought it was important to remember this one.

another random image: Agway. headed thru Portsmouth, we went past an Agway. seeing the sign, i was flooded with all sorts of sense memories of the Agway by the house where i grew up. it was a low, rambling grey building, smelling of peat moss and turpentine. the corner by the store was dicey, as it was hard to see clearly around the corner. but if you were on a bike, it was easy to roll up the gentle slope of a driveway to the parking lot. i biked by there sometimes, on my way to work, or to do some shopping at a cute little gift store. at that time, the store (Heatherside, or something like that) was my idea of top shelf. now, it just seems charming.

don't remember if i've ever written about this one - OpenCyc. interesting experiment on artificial intelligence. for some reason, i also have Goedel, Escher, Bach noted next to that URL. might be where this quote came from:

Intelligence is about making decisions based on imperfect knowledge and among partially good choices.

Douglas Hofstadter

pressed in the back of my notebook is a spray of purple flowers that i nipped from a huge pot of plants; some part of me wanted a tangible reminder of this morning, i guess.

hm. another phrase, blocked off in the corner - prisoners voting. i've had some discussions back and forth with friends about this one. The Boy says they don't get rights; they gave them up when they committed a crime. a few others agree with that. me, i'm not so sure. i mean, if we strip someone of more and more rights, rendering them subhuman, how do they learn how to become a functioning part of society? still struggling with that one...

34 x 34. this was the tag i saw on the back of the jeans on the guy standing in front of me in line to get lunch the other day. and i thought 'huh. he could wrap his leg around his waist, and it would reach exactly.' of course, this would require dismemberment, or a great deal of flexibility. i guess that wouldn't really work, would it?

an 'if it wasn't for the horse' moment - something i heard adam say one night: 'total perfect tension of ambiguity'. it's been rattling around in my head.

image: early in the morning, thin warm light, i see from behind a grizzled old tar in a bulky sweater and orange waders, gripping the top of his large coffee, gimping his way down the pier. rough night, perhaps?

oh, and i got to be part of a performance in the Square on my way home. stopped to watch a guy setting up a magic act. as it turns out, it was 'Magic Brian, direct from New York!' *shrug* who knew? anyway, he needed a time keeper for the strait jacket act. and i was nominated. so there i am, standing in the crowd, watching the second hand and yelling out every ten seconds. made it a bit hard to watch the act (which, of course, ended up with him escaping). it was sort of fun to be part of the night.

yesterday :: tomorrow

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