the danish outpost
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going thru the paces

05.07.2002

feeling kinda how a girl feels

well, so i was supposed to head down to see the parents today. i felt a bit ambivalent about the trip, for a couple of reasons. i really want to see my parents. but the last few trips have been rough, emotionally, and i'm not sure that i'm in a place for that right now.

also? going to see my parents on the Cape, not just in the summer, but on the weekend of the Fourth? insanity, i tell you! dad and i had spent some time trying to figure out optimal commute times so the drive time wouldn't double.

the other thing is, even if it only took the normal drive time, i don't really have working AC. yeah, i could drive real fast. but what about the usual backup at the bridge? and Penny's response in fifth gear has been ... let's just say less than optimal.

perhaps as a way to have the decision taken out of my hands, i took Penny in for a quick look see at the mechanic's this morning. see, slipping in fifth is one of the first signs the clutch might be going. and if that's true i certainly didn't want to confirm it at 65 miles an hour.

turns out that it wasn't the clutch (i've done many nasty things to that clutch, including starting in second). but the distributor cap and the ignition wiring were a bit hinky. plus the radiator was shot. mind you, she didn't overheat on a long drive in 100 weather, so i wasn't so worried about that. but.

so i called the 'rents and ditched out of the weekend. man, oh man... we were planning on seeing a ball game tonight, and dad even bought me a lawn chair! see, now i felt all guilty about it. but mom and i agreed that getting the car taken care of first was important. so we'll reschedule in a week or two.

and i love my mechanic, but felt sort of ambivalent about the repairs, too. i didn't remember telling them to replace the radiator, and didn't think it mattered, since it being a holiday weekend and all, they didn't think they could get the part. guess what? they got the part.

when i saw the old radiator, even i could tell it was crap. it was all rusty, and had a bunch of holes in it, as if someone had taken a ball peen hammer to it in a random manner. so it's good they replaced it. then again... i had mentally budgeted to have it done on the next paycheck. and when my credit cards got declined, i didn't feel much better. fortunately, they prefer checks.

i decided to put her thru her paces to make sure the work did the trick. boy, did it ever! i took her out for a spin on the highway and made it out to ...*mumble mumble* ... in about 15 minutes. called my mechanic when i got back to thank him, and he was pleased/horrified at what i'd done. hell, if i can't safely pass someone on the highway, then the repair wasn't worth it, right? plus, she was fixing her hair while driving, and i had no desire to be behind *that*.

*sigh* feeling generally ambivalent all around. happy to have the car fixed, distressed about money, guilty about ditching on the rents, pleased to have more time to hang out by myself... i think i've been spending too much time and effort on other people lately. i don't want to start that damn downhill slide again, as depression sucks. i think i'm just going to spend some quality 'me' time for the next few weeks, and try to get in touch with a few old friends to remind myself that not every relationship sucks the life blood out of you.

yesterday :: tomorrow

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2000-2002 by eac. feel free to link to my site; if you do, please drop me a line.
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