the danish outpost
updated when time and inspiration allow. latest and greatest always in the blog.
crankiness abounds, and i'm too tired to care.

2001-04-05

feeling kinda how a girl feels

random thought for today: why do they have to put chips on the top row of vending machine? there are few sadder sounds than the *thwump* *squash* of your chips hitting the bottom of the machine after reaching terminal velocity, which negates any good the extra air in the bag might have done.

tangerine frozen fruit bars are Good. i had one last night when i got home, and it made my throat feel a little better. that was about all the energy i had, tho. the rest of the night i just flopped out on the couch, waking up briefly to watch my shows, and then crawling into my fleecy pajamas and bed (in that order). didn't even eat much of anything for dinner, even tho i'd made a point of getting a few 'meals to go' at the store on the way home. despite the fact that it was 70 in the apartment, i was still freezing most of the night, except for that brief period of time when i thought i was being boiled alive. bleck.

today's been even harder than yesterday. who'da thought that was possible? the impact of the layoffs has started to sink in, and people have been cranky nine ways of Sunday today. and i understand where the frustration is coming from - i'm right there with them. but geez, is there any reason to take my head off when i ask a question? c'mon. okay, okay - we all react differently to stress. fine. i recognize that. color me idealistic, but i sort of thought that we might all be a little nicer to each other in the workplace, just to help get thru this. ah well. ::sigh::

and i'm having a very difficult time emotionally with this breakup. i'm sure it's not any easier for him. it's just difficult and painful all around. today was horrible because he still has some of my stuff, and i'd asked him last week if he could just tie up the loose ends so we could move on. he still hadn't let me know what he was up to, and he's got all my tax files for the last three years. so i called him to inquire politely. it was a short and brutal conversation. he hung up angry. and i felt like dirt.

i can see where his anger comes from. but honestly, it doesn't make sense to me to keep trying to avoid some very minor issues that could be dealt with quickly. the longer it takes to resolve this, the longer we keep looking back at a relationship that doesn't exist anymore and wallowing in the hurt. and the longer it takes, the more damage is done to the chances of working out a friendship. resentment builds, we both feel raw and hurt, i feel like a collosal nagging bitch having to repeatedly ask for my stuff, and i just want to be done. it could be a clean break. that would be good. it would allow for some breathing room, and the chance to keep the respect we have for each other. as it is, this is feeling more and more like my divorce every day.

and i wonder why i keep getting sick. stress as a trigger, anyone? ::sigh::

i did, in fact, make it to the gym briefly this morning after being a bad gym buddy for a few days. the minor miracle of the day was that i could breathe when i woke up. taking that as a good sign, i managed to pull myself together (thank goddess for baseball hats) and do a half hour on the treadmill. geez louise, i'm in pathetic shape with this cold! 20 minutes at a snail's pace, and i was wiped out all over again. at least this should help wring whatever this is out of my system a little bit faster. it's killing me, tho, to pass on the poker game tonight.

well, depending on how much cold medicine i ingest, i may try to set up my DSL tonight. got a call from the company to say that it would be enabled a whole week earlier than they had said it would be. so perhaps i'll get this squared away tonight. the question you've got to ask, tho, is this: will a lot of cold medicine serve as inspiration or downfall?

yesterday :: tomorrow

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