the danish outpost
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i'm a moody bitch today...

2000-11-30

feeling kinda how a girl feels

oh, i'm in the mood to be a little cranky... if you're not up for it, feel free to skip off to a quieter corner. augh, arg, arf - and already it starts! i somehow turned on the overtype feature in this pea-brained little text editor o' mine, and managed to obliterate a good chunk of HTML. i'm telling you...

some days it's just not worth getting up. and i especially felt like that this morning; after the little debacle with my work hours, i moved the alarm clock to the other side of the room, so i literally have to get out of bed when the alarm goes off. the nice side of that is that i can crawl back into bed once or twice and get that lovely sumptuous pleasure of burrowing under warm flannel sheets and falling asleep. there are few things as deleriously pleasurable as that moment where you realize you're about to go to sleep. for some reason, i was draggin' my ass this morning. given my druthers [editorial note: it occurred to me that i actually couldn't define druthers if you paid me... *riffling thru dictionary* ... ah! it's the dialectic for 'would rather'. makes sense.] i would happily have crawled back into bed for a few more hours. flannel-lined jammies, flannel sheets, two warm cats, and forced hot air heat... but no. i had to get up. and it was that raw, wet, nasty damp kind of cold today. yesterday, nice enough to walk in with just a sweater. today, gross and icky.

frustration all around last night - i got home and was briefly in one of those moods where i wanted to get everything done: vacuuming, dusting, dishes, trash, make dinner, scrub bathroom, clean bedroom, and a few other things. but the mood passed, not because i didn't have the energy, but because the list just got too long. when you're over-ambitious, you can actually kill every single project before they start. no Gideon's Crossing, so i was deprived of the lucious Andre Braugher. and just when i got motivated to get some work done on the board, the server went down. i barely got around to making dinner, and *again* the stuffing didn't come out right. the cornbread stuffing the other night didn't quite come out right (didn't hold together), so i had picked up Pepperidge Farm, which is what my mom always uses. when in doubt, follow mom's directions. except... eh. maybe i should just call her. i made the Pepperidge Farm the stovetop way, and it tasted right, but it was way too wet. slimy, almost. this is never how mom's stuffing came out.

[ring, ring] hi, mom. yeah, i have a quick question for you. no, no no, it's not about nursery school again. we figured that yesterday. yeah, it's about stuffing. stuffing. right...yeah, i'm over the vegetarian thing. well, i just can't make it. yeah, i know, i'm usually a pretty good cook. but either it doesn't hold together or it comes out slimy. i know, it was pretty gross. Pepperidge Farm, just like you always use. you don't use Pepperidge Farm? sure you did. Bell's? yeah, yeah - the poultry seasoning. it's good? okay, i'll give it a shot. on the stovetop. in the oven? i have to make it in the oven? but it doesn't have to go in the bird... ok. yeah. yeah, okay. great. thanks, mom. talk to you soon. love you too. [click]

well, that pretty much puts the kibosh on stuffing, at least during the week. by the time i get home, i just don't have the energy or patience to make a big meal, or anything that takes time. i don't get home until 8ish usually, and when i do, my stomach demands instant satisfaction. oh yeah... food is all about the gratification. thank goddess for microwaves and take-out sections at your fave supermarket.

so as i was getting dressed this morning, i went looking for my heavy silver ring, the one i usually wear on my thumb. and i couldn't find it anywhere. i looked in pockets, by the kitchen sink, in the jewelry boxes, in the jewelry dish in the bathroom, under the bed, in the washing machine downstairs, in my gym bag... nothing. this pisses me off. i love this ring, and some days you just want the weight on your finger. no luck. i thought maybe that i'd left it my honey's, so i gave him a call the middle of the day to ask if he'd seen it. he hadn't, and he asked (for some reason i don't remember) about a different silver ring i have. or had. because it donned on me that i hadn't seen *that* either this morning. now i'm seriously freaking out, people. did i tell you about the robbery?

my apartment was robbed a few years ago. on. my. birthday. i woke up on my birthday, went to get dressed, opened my good jewelry box, and lost my shit. half my stuff was missing. my grandfather's garnet signet ring, my wedding and engagement rings, my college ring, my high school ring (a gold claddagh ring, instead of the usual), a few necklaces, a gold bracelet that used to be my grandmother's... gone. On. My. Birthday. my 31st birthday. i swear, i must have a dyslexic guardian angel that thought this would be a funny joke for my 13th birthday. i was seriously freaked out for months after that, and still miss the objects, gramp's ring most of all, because they were irreplaceable. so now when i can't find something, i flip, figuring that i've been robbed again. logically, noone is going to break in, steal two silver rings, and leave my television set alone. but that sense of violation is there, and it comes back in some mighty strong waves at times like this.

and then there's the trial. i heard from the D.A. yesterday, and the trial has been moved at the defense's request out to January 10th. What. The. Fuck. why? it's not as if she can mount a stronger defense a month from now. why can't we just be done with this? why does this cunt get to mess with my life still? i want this to be over, and i want it over before the holidays. i don't want some damn sword of Damocles hanging out there, giving me something to worry about in my odd moments. augh!!!! ... i still think the bag of screaming weasels is a fair method of trial.

alright, alright... if you've read this far, bless you for your patience. 8) at least i've got one thing to look forward to tonight. i'm working down at the Orpheum, for the Medeski Martin Wood show. these guys are fabulous; i got hooked when pablo started playing their Last Chance to Dance Trance (perhaps) album. *saying a small prayer: oh goddess, keep the drunken rowdies away from me tonight, 'cuz i don't want to have to hurt anyone.* this promises to be a great show. wonder who's opening for them... hm. oh, hey - i nearly forgot! i'm gonna work a Van Morrison show next month. how much does that rock?

off to surf a few funny sites, then haul my butt downtown. keep your fingers crossed for me and the drunken rowdies. 8)

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