the danish outpost
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supah bowl

2001-01-28

feeling kinda how a girl feels

*sigh* i meant to do a lot of stuff today. and i didn't do everything on the list. so i'm beating myself up.

really, i shouldn't be so hard on me. i got my apartment nearly all clean. i even mopped the wooden floors with wood soap. and all my laundry is done (well, except for three things that go in a white cold wash, but...). and i ran errands. and went to a party. and started some writing.

that's a lot of stuff for a weekend. i think what's bugging me is that i didn't finish the three writing projects i started. three of the topics i got from writing groups this month have resolved themselves into a nice little triad that works as an extended meditation on life - where am i, where do i think i should go, what do i think is keeping me from getting there. sort of like Gaugin. of course, i can't remember the exact painting, but when he was in Tahiti, he painted this amazing panel titled something like 'where did we come from, where are we going, ...' - and this is where the memory cells fail me. i can't remember the third part. i probably misremembered the first two, and what i really want is to remember the middle phrase. ah well.

so, i did get a fair amount done, but didn't finish the most important thing, which was the writing triad. here's the stumbling block: i was ragingly early for the concert last night, and started writing long hand in my notebook. when i went to start the topics tonight, i typed in my notes... and then got stuck, on every one of them. it's almost as if i can only work stream of consciousness. and this is a problem. if i want to do longer works (which i do), there's some level of planning. you can't write an entire novel without thinking about who your characters are, and what their motivations are, and what they want to do. so if i don't tackle the 'working from notes' thing, i'm going to be stuck doing very short works. i mean, i did do one longer piece that took a lot of planning and notes. that took me the better part of a week to write. and it was work. but i'm really proud of it. and i want to do more like that.

eh. so i have to tackle the writing process. and i'm not looking forward to it. so instead, i think i'll go downstairs to the tail end of the Super Bowl party (no pun intended) and watch Survivor II. because that just might be the most productive thing i could do, right about now.

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