27.11.2001
feeling kinda
things are not so good on the home front tonight. stanzi is at the vet, and they need to keep her overnight.
she went in for some routine stuff, a dental cleaning and getting her claws clipped. i was concerned because the last time she was under anesthesia, it took her ages and ages to come out of it. i don't know if the last vet used far too much or she's very senstive to it, but it took her a good eight hours after i got her home for her to be able to get up and walk. she was alert enough to be freaked out, tho, and that freaked me out. she was looking around with a manic, trapped gleam in her eye, and there was nothing i could do to help. so i warned this vet about that.
the dental went fine - no extractions. and the manicure/pedicure was no big deal. but she's still groggy, and the vet convinced me it was best for her to stay overnight.
the other thing is this: she has elevated levels of creatinine in her blood. this, and the fact that her urine sample was very dilute, points to the beginnings of kidney disease.
it's unsurprising, i suppose, as she's nearly 14, which is a very respectable age for a cat. but it still caught me off guard. her behaviour is the same as it's ever been. she has small bursts of insanity, followed by much regal behavior. she's eating the same, not drinking any more or less that i can tell, and her litterbox patterns are the same.
the vet is going to put her on antibiotics for a week to rule out a urinary infection. but i think she's doing that in part to make me feel better. it sounds more than likely that stanz has kidney problems.
it got me to thinking about how important my cats are to me. they're like my kids (trite, but true). white cat and i sat here all night, watching TV and trying to get comfortable with us being the only two in the apartment. it feels very odd not to have a grey presence in the place.
and while (knock on wood) this may very well be manageable with diet and medication, for at least some period of time, it's a cold hard wallop of reality. this kitty, who has been part of my life for so long, will not always be here. it makes me a bit frantic to think about that.
i have every intention of giving her the best life i can. part of that, as i've found with other pets, involves knowing how and when to let go, giving them the gift of grace and dignity. i don't want her to end up in any pain or discomfort. i want her to be a happy, loved kitty right up to the end.
it sounds sort of morbid to be saying all that. it's not as if she's on the way out tomorrow (please God). but i sort of think i need to think about it a little bit now, to prepare myself for the eventuality and to remind myself to appreciate the gift of her companionship in the now.
white kitty and i are going to go read for a bit, and hope that grey cat can come home tomorrow. hope she's not too upset tonight.
