27.01.2002
feeling kinda
i'm currently having flashbacks to college, and not necessarily the good kind. i really shouldn't be doing what i'm doing, given the recent bouts with insomnia. but here i am, up at quarter to three in the morning.
what am i doing at this insane hour on a school night, you may ask? well, ask away.
and the answer would be: pulling a caffeine and nicotine fueled all-nighter. yes, indeedy, folks. i made a run to the 24 hour drugstore to stock up on yummy vanilla caffeine goodness (i'll disregard the fact that it's made by StarSucks, one of my personal nemesii - is that the plural for nemesis?) and smokes.
and what has prompted this silliness for which i will pay dearly? why am i disregarding my personal health and well being, forgoing the comfy flannel sheets and warm kitties? i have a Deadline.
i am the Queen of Procrastinators. yes, i am. yes, really. no, i know you think *you* are. but really. trust me on this one. i have you beat hands down.
i rarely pay bills before getting the infamous red bordered envelope. i regularly court danger by throwing out parking tickets. i know no other way to fill my gas tank than coasting in to the gas station on fumes. i often completely forget to refill scrips until i've swallowed the last pill (see 24 Hour Pharmacy, above. they are my friends.). it took me a year and a half to buy a wedding present for my brother. and i continually get myself in pickles like this, where the Big Project is due in the morning, and i'm furiously pounding out pages and pages of drivel, convinced by the nicotine and caffeine levels in my system (i'm pretty sure a blood test would come out coffee colored at this point) that i'm fucking brilliant. you just don't recognize the brilliance, because you're not equally wired.
and am i finishing the project? nooooooo. i'm writing this entry.
but i have two reasons for writing this. one is to share my hyped up flashback. the other is to tell you that, patient as you have been while i take a much needed hiatus to get the brain back on an even keel, you will soon be rewarded.
oh, such things i have in store for you. i have some short stories, tales of local music, a guest entry - first one ever - and much more. there are so many words packed in my brain these days that i'm veritably bursting at the mental seams. (okay, just run with that image, okay?) i'm feeling more stable these days, and craving the return to the keyboard. i can finally craft coherent musings on depression, which will be interesting rather than leaving you and me feeling flattened by an emotional steamroller. at least, i hope you'll find them interesting.
i'm listening to the Discovery channel show on mega tsunamis, chugging caffeine, and resisting the urge to light up yet one more smoke. and i need to get back to my project. in a twisted sort of way, i'm kind of looking forward to seeing the sun rise while i put the finishing touches on it. i haven't had that moment in many years, more than i care to admit. sometimes, it's not bad to have a flashback moment.
see you back here shortly, i hope! at least, i'll be here. and i'd love to have you drop in and visit.
