the danish outpost
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is that a cigar in your pocket?

22.09.2001

feeling kinda how a girl feels

you know, i'm beginning to think that i've lived in the city far too long. on the way home from the show last night, we had an 'incident'. the three of us were sitting down, and i was over one seat, just tired and lost in my own head. j and m were talking and reading the paper, and then m took a little nap. all the while, there was a man standing in front of them. i was watching him out of the corner of my eye, because you do that on a train, you watch people.

at first, i thought, 'oh, god. i hate cigars. why does he have to be carrying a cigar around?' cigar smokers are odd like that. you'd never carry around a half smoked cigarette. but they hang on to cigars to enjoy again later. blech. then i thought, 'well, it was raining. maybe it's an umbrella.' see where this is going?

this innocuous looking man was working up a full on erection, in full view. at one point m yawned, and i thought 'oh, geez, it's all over now.' somehow, though, they didn't see what was happening for a few stops. i didn't want to lean over and say anything, because i didn't want to give him any of the attention he so clearly wanted. when we pulled in to Harvard, j stood up and told him to get the hell off the train, which he did. end of incident.

but here's why i think i've been in the city too long. first thought thru my head when it dawned on me what was going on? 'huh. so that's what a black dick looks like. and uncircumcised, too.' i wasn't particularly phased by it, just chalked it up as the strangest thing i've seen on the train yet. and that seems a little too jaded. or maybe i've just met too many odd people to think that much is out of the realm of possibility.

made me think of a bit that lew did when i saw his show a few weeks ago. he was on the train in NY, and saw some guy whacking off, singing to himself. and he said something along the lines of 'who knew it was that easy to amuse yourself on the train?' *snort*

anyway... the most eventful thing that happened today? nothing. not a damn thing. and that's good. there were rumors that Boston was going to be subject to terrorist strikes today. the reservoirs have been under guard, and security on the T was up, in case of biological strikes. some stores were closed, because the employees were too nervous to come in. i heard that downtown was pretty empty. but nothing happened.

and it makes you stop and think about how life has changed. even if you weren't directly affected by the strikes on the 11th (and i hope you weren't), we're all indirectly affected. we think twice before getting on a plane or train. we listen a little more to the rumors and threats. we call people to check in, and let them know where we're going. 'how are you?' has become a loaded question. people look meaningfully into your eyes, maybe hold your arm, and say 'how *are* you?' 'okay' doesn't seem like a sufficient answer anymore. but what do you say?

it's starting to sink in that the strikes haven't just left us with healing and reconstruction. they've left us with a lot of thinking, and serious debates over the changes and compromises we're willing to make for our safety. i'm glad to see the government taking its time to consider before acting. the danger is that we'll lock down too many basic rights in a rush for security. if we do that, we do so at the cost of the principles that make democracy work. i don't mean to get into a big philosophical oration, but honestly, i don't think i'm ready to give up the right to assemble, to speak freely, to travel and associate with whom i want without Big Brother watching over my shoulder. the question becomes how much am i willing to pay, and not in money, in order to retain those rights?

/off soapbox

other than Deep Philosophical Thoughts, it's been a quiet day. i had a driving lesson with earl, and did well with my new standard. we ran some errands, got a few things done, and had an okay time hanging out. i did some chores around the house, and organized my CDs. i think i'm up to around 500 albums, so some sort of system is key; otherwise, i wouldn't be able to find a damn thing. unfortunately, i've managed to run out of room. i have two big racks (for the CDs, buddy - get out of the gutter *g*), 6 feet tall, and they are jam packed full. if i were reasonable, i'd stop buying new music, or sell off some of the ones i don't listen to often. somehow, i don't think that's what's going to happen. it's going to be more like this.

it's just as well that i didn't have much planned for today. i'm feeling pretty self conscious these days. my head is naked, and she cut off most of the color, so the grey is showing. and my face is breaking out, as if i were back in high school. one particularly lovely pimple is right at the corner of my mouth; it hurts and it looks like a cold sore. why? why do they not tell you that acne is for life? and it gets especially bad when you're stressed. somehow, i thought i'd have to deal with a few years of this, and then, somewhere after college, life would go back to normal. silly assumption, on so many level. oh well... the silver lining, i guess, is that i didn't have a date this weekend. that, my friends, would have been more mortification than i could have taken.

yesterday :: tomorrow

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