for example, driving. there will be moments when i'm driving along, window rolled down, elbow propped on the door, tunes cranked up. i catch a glimpse of my hand on the wheel, feel the weight of the silver watch bracelet against my skin, and i think 'i'm grown up.'
which lasts until i pull into the parking garage too fast and go sailing past the keycard stand, and have to gesticulate wildly at the woman behind me to get her to back up.
or, i'll be grocery shopping. i'm walking up and down the aisles, pushing my cart full of sensible vegetables and fruit, kitty litter, toilet paper and trash bags, just enough food for the week so nothing is wasted, serious wheat bread. and i think, 'this is me, being a grown up.'
and then i buy a box of Ding Dongs.
sometimes, i'll feel good about work. i don't feel like it's a 'career', but i feel good about getting things done, answering questions, making good calls on projects, contributing to a meeting.
but i spend time playing Minesweeper when i'm on the phone. do grownups do that?
and there's still part of me that thinks i'm 18 and can party like a rock star with no ill effects. so very not true, and a little less true with each ensuing year.
it's not as if i think you need to be serious and responsible and no fun to be a grownup. it's not that at all. we should all be in touch with our 'inner child', which is a truly crappy phrase for not forgetting that we should all have moments of fun and enjoyment in our day to day lives.
it's just that when i make a midnite run to the pharmacy because i know they're open 24 hours a day, and i need to have a jigsaw puzzle or new discs for my Viewmaster, i wonder if i haven't taken it just a bit too far.
and then i find myself doing the Mom Walk on the beach, or channelling my dad, or saying things like 'kids these days', and i realize everything is alright. i think it's just that we need reminders every so often that you don't need to be grownup all the time.