17.02.2002
feeling kinda
whoofdy. i finally ventured out to get some nourishment, and nearly didn't make it thru. there really isn't anything in the house that i could just reheat or thaw and eat, tho, so it's not like i had much of a choice. and frankly, i don't think it's healthy to stare at the same four walls for nearly a week straight. so i hopped in the car (okay, crept into the car is more like it) and wobbled off to the supermarket.
i didn't have the intention of getting that much food, but i still picked a cart instead of a basket. gave me something to lean on while perambulating the aisles, and would be much easier on my poor achy body than trying to tote a basket around.
boy, am i glad i did that. i didn't know how completely loopy i would feel, or how the lights in the store would confuse me. i really did contemplate crawling right into the cart and waiting for someone to push me home.
needless to say, it took far too long to get the basics. i got a bunch of frozen things, and some insta-cans, as well as a goodly amount of stuff from the ready to eat section - sort of like a salad bar, but with things like mac and cheese, and mini quiches, that they make in the store.
and i got a ton of juice other than orange. man, if i never see another glass of orange juice, it will be too soon. plus, some extra soft and cushy tissues. good time to do that, when i don't really need them anymore, eh?
the big treat, which took a good 15 minutes to select, was a bouquet of fresh flowers. i picked out some orangey Gerber daisies, some purple poms, and an assortment of greens. they're all arranged in a deep blue pressed glass vase now, sitting on top of the TV, for some extra color to cheer me up and remind me of spring and green growy things.
notice something missing from that list? you might not, if you're not me. no smokes. none. i've essentially done the forced march and quit cold turkey. this led to brutally intense headaches and muscle spasms along my neck for a few days. and right now, i'm so damn happy to be breathing and upright, i don't want one in the least.
i'm thinking it might be good for this quitting thing to stick. i never, ever want to go thru the withdrawal pain again. it was agonizing. it got to the point, when the fever was spiking and my head was spasming, that i was praying for death. not that i really wanted to die, but i did, in that 'let me out of this circle of hell' sort of way. i've mentioned to a few friends how much it hurt, and asked them, should they ever see me smoking again, to smack me upside the head with a brick as a subtle reminder of how much it hurt this last time.
