the danish outpost
updated when time and inspiration allow. latest and greatest always in the blog.
nearly there...

15.10.2001

feeling kinda how a girl feels

yeesh. rough day. it's the last day of the project, in the sense that we'll be turning over the code tomorrow to send out to a few customer sites. this is different than the site visits we were doing. those, we went on site, did our thing, and took out the code. this, we send the product off to the customer and work with them to see what their experience is. i like getting to this point, because the pressure is not so directly on us. well, of course, it still is. there will be problems, and we'll have to fix them. but at least we've gotten to the point where all that hard work finally sees the light of day, and we can get some feedback. it's always good to get feedback.

it's funny. there's lots of stress and tension around the office, and it's understandable. and i used to get that way too. the end of a project would send my pre-ulcer stomach right around the bend, and i'd feel all jittery. every little issues seemed to be of paramount importance, and everything had to be fixed and perfect. but not so much anymore.

i guess it's because i've worked in the industry long enough to realize that there is no such thing as perfect code. just doesn't happen. and the more complex the product, the more likely that there will be issues. it's just the nature of complex code. not to say that we don't still strive to reach perfect. of course we do. but when you're talking about thousands and thousands of lines of code, it's only to be expected that you'll miss an i or a t somewhere.

and personally, i've relaxed my own ridiculously high perfectionist standards. being good enough, and knowing how to roll with the punches, seems to be more important than being perfect. also, less crazy making.

as a result, i'm still concerned and detail oriented on a project. but i don't let it send me around the bend. things need to get fixed, and loose ends need to be tied up. main line function has to be rock solid. and things need to work in as many situations as you can anticipate. after that, it's all about working things out.

so perhaps that explains why i had a relative sense of calm today. some people appreciated it. others, i think, were irritated that we weren't all at 11. in any event, things got done. of course, i did get a little bit snappy; why is it that some of my co-irkers think that i can read minds? for the record, i can't. i can't anticipate some of the shit that happens. and i certainly can't act on the note that you wrote me in your head.

so we got the code up and running, and it didn't fall down. we're going to ship either way, so it was nice to see things improve to the point where it didn't feel wrong. there are still tons of minor issues that need to be addressed... but at least it looks pretty. ;) that sounds flip, but it isn't. interface and presentation are such a huge part of the battle in getting the customer to accept changes.

oh, here's something odd. the fire alarms in our office are singing little happy songs. i mean it. they're chirping constantly, as if they're humming to themselves. i asked boss man about it, and he said he'd noticed that last week. so they've been doing it for a while. i hadn't noticed it before. he said, 'yeah, i went into the men's room and heard it creaking', which promptly sent me into gales of laughter. i won't even explain the image, but it was funny. needless to say, he didn't appreciate what he perceived to be my reference to him aging. :)

and it felt okay to leave at 5. not that i've put in the hours that some other people have, but there's been this aura of stress. i've been wanting to get my life back - fewer hours, fewer shows, more regular hours, going to the gym, taking a yoga class or two, and generally not living the rock star life. yeah, like that's gonna happen. but really, i've been out flat all summer, working a few shows a week down at the tent, and this project has taken up a lot of time, both clock and mental. i want to start thinking about scaling things back a bit, doing things to keep myself happy and healthy, and generally looking for a bit more balance. because, yeah, i can work 50 hours and 3 shows in a week, plus do the chores, some writing, and also go out to be with friends. but really? there aren't enough hours in the day for all of that. and that's not a healthy enough mix of things. there has to be some time for taking care of my body and heart.

of course, that didn't stop me from going out to have a celebratory glass of wine at one of my favorite places. and i realized something rather disturbing, which made me think even more about the whole balance thing. i'm turning into the middle aged single career woman who sits in bars talking to random older men - and that's not what i want to be. it can be entertaining at times. but really, i don't need a thesis defense on Russian banking while i'm trying to eat my dinner.

i want more structure and creativity than that. those sound contradictory, but they aren't. structure to get the everyday stuff done leaves you with the freedom to take off and do the fun stuff.

in more positive news, i got a small raise today. and what did i do? yup. promptly spent it all. it's amazing how quickly those CDs can add up, even with a discount. yeah, yeah, i know. i already have too much music and nowhere to put it. but i *needed* those Modest Mouse albums, and i'm curious to hear The Strokes, which have gotten some good write ups lately. off to load up the stereo...

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