the danish outpost
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13.06.2002

feeling kinda how a girl feels

hola, mes amies. i know. *drops head* i've been absent for nearly three months. i've wanted to write. and actually, i have been writing, altho you wouldn't know it. i've kept up on the major life points in my paper journal. but i've sorely neglected this space. and i've shrugged off any number of online responsibilities. but.

lots of stuff has been going on. and i haven't found the time to publish it all.

well, that's not exactly right. there could have been time. but one of the best things i've been doing lately is looking out for my personal well being. and a major part of that has been setting boundaries.

if that means not calling or seeing family, so be it.

if that means not talking to friends as much as i think i should or would like to, so be it.

if that means taking time to get away from the job, at the possible cost of losing my day job, so be it. (it's only money.)

the most important thing i've been doing lately is looking out for my mental and physical health. (okay, those of you who know i smoke - enough. i'm hoping to quit in the next few months. at least i'm sleeping and feeding myself.)

so. so, a lot of stuff has happened. i've written about some of it in the paper journal. i've been promising myself that i'll catch up on back entries. and i finally acknowledged today that that's a crazy goal. there are a lot of stories that i want and need to tell. and i will tell them (hoping you'll come back to read them). being the control freak that i am, i will probably tell them in roughly chronological order. but i can't actually sit down and write an entry every damn freakin' day, and certainly can't write 90+ entries just to get to the point where i can write about the current day.

*sigh* i do feel badly about not writing here. i like the fact that people still find this space. oh, yeah - people have been reading here. they come in thru odd channels. i won't even tell you the referrer queries. some of them scare the living *crap* out of me. others humor me. and some of them - and you know who you are - some of them are friends checking in to see what's going on. thank you. thank you all for wanting to read, and still being interested, even when i haven't given you any new fodder in ages.

i took myself out of the Every Damn Day ring today. yes, i run the ring. yes, i should be able to leave myself in. but it just doesn't seem right. there are so many of you who make the effort to write and post every damn flippin' day that i can't, in good conscience, leave myself in the ring. i still manage it, and i take my hat off to those of you who have the time/energy/dedication to post nearly every single day.

so for those of you interested, here's the quick recap of the last few months (gory and entertaining details to follow): crap has been happening at the day job; shit has happened with boys. the night job has been less than entertaining. more shit with boys. good things have happened to/for friends; some nasty shit has happened to friends. and some excellent stuff has befallen friends (the universe will provide). more shit with boys (are you sensing a theme here?). i'm happy with Penny, my car, and have paid exorbitant amounts of money to get her back in shape (i'm fine! don't worry!). i've more than made back my insurance fees. i've also found the Next Car (shhhhh! don't tell Penny! i think she might be offended.). a few good dates, some insane dates, and one most excellent date (the one i've been hoping for over the last 8 months). lots more crap at both jobs, and even more shit going on in the off hours. new friends made, old friends lost, but overall feeling more content with my own life. cats are healthy and happy; family stuff... ergh. i've been wanting to detail my car, and will get to it soonest. most importantly: my best friend is getting married in a day or so. and i'm thrilled for them. so i've given you an update, and promised more, but i'll be absent for a few days because of the wedding.

i hope to get back to y'all the beginning of the week.

namaste.

yesterday :: tomorrow

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