i'm feeling tired and overwhelmed. there are a few big projects, high profile ones, on my desk, that should have been done yesterday. literally. so i've been playing Minesweeper. and i didn't do much at home last night, because i figured i'd have time to clean and do laundry tonight. completely forgot M's birthday bash. it's supposed to be a suprise for her, but apparently it's a suprise for me too. so i'll be up late, which will make me an even more charming gym companion than usual in the wee hours tomorrow morning.
eh. on top of that, Big Nasty Things are brewing on the job front. i hate waiting for the other shoe to drop. i'm trying to stay motivated and not let the cynicism run rampant. however, that's tough. i'm naturally cynical, and work for an equally cynical boss. just when i think i'm keeping focused, he lets some comment slip, and down we go, to the bottom of that slippery slope, and i find myself peering up out of the Pit of Despair. rather a tortured image (you'll pardon the phrase), but you get the gist.
and none of this makes for scintillating reading...or writing, for that matter.
hmph. well, let's see...
i wonder if it isn't just the time of year that's getting to me. looking back, it seems like February is always a challenge. i want to get out of the house, but it's still cold. we had snow last night. you'd think i'd be used to that, having lived here all my life. but no. snow in February still depresses me. i want crocuses, daffodils, snow drops (that may not be the right name - the tiny bell-shaped white flowers that stand just a few inches tall and are always the first ones out) - some color splashed around, not just grey tired lumps of snow and brown crusty yards.
hm.... perhaps i should start planning my garden. i'm thinking that i'll plant a garden this year. i had one the first year i moved in, and spent more time and money that a girl should at the garden shop around the corner from me. when all the cashiers are on a first name basis with you, and ask how the cosmos are doing, you know you're a regular. then the upstairs dog won. well, the neighbors won. they let the dog piss my plants into oblivion. however, there's a new cast of characters, and no dog. so, perhaps, a garden.
i hate petunias. sticky, nasty things. i'd rather have cosmos, snapdragons, ivy along the fence, morning glories, eveing primrose, yarrow, cardinal climber, sweet peas... somewhere, i have a notebook from the last go round. hopefully, it's got a list of where i found some of the more obscure plants. i like older varieties of things, and plants that most people don't seem to think of as garden plants. there's one i can't name right now, but it's a shade loving plant with purple or white flowers and a fabulous fragrance. woodbine? hyssop? nuh. maybe i've got that written down as well.
i usually do a lot of potted things on the porch as well. at one point, i think i had a dozen different scented geraniums. love them, *love* them! every time i went to Ricky's, the garden place, i would trawl around to see if they had any new ones. lessee... rose, cinnamon, lemon, lime, pineapple, orange, nutmeg, coconut, and i'm sure i'm forgetting a few. they smell wonderful when you brush up against them, or pick a leaf and crush it between your fingers.
most likely, it will be all ornamentals this time around. it used to be i'd do lots of herbs and some veggies - peppers and tomatoes do pretty well in pots. but really, the concept was better than the execution. and i just don't cook at home enough. i think i'll get a lavendar plant; the delicate spikes of blossoms are pretty to look at, and if i'm organized, i could dry some of the leaves to keep in a bowl to scent the house.
oooo - that seems to have done the trick! images of lovely plants soaking up the sun now dancing around in my head - much more cheerful. oh, good. now i'm in the mood to go find a giftie for M.