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10.10.2001

feeling kinda how a girl feels

another long day. are you surprised? ;) if i had half a brain, i'd convert today's date from hex to decimal or octal (101001) just for giggles. yes, i am that geeky.

it was hard to get up on time... there i was, lying in a warm, comfy bed done up in my favorite flannel sheets, surrounded by cats, and feeling a desparate need for sleep. i ended up on the couch until 3 in the morning, dozing and watching The Naked Chef. here's the thing: i've got my schedule sort of permanently bent. started with one day where i stayed late. i felt it was okay to go in late the next day to balance things out. then i ended up staying late that day, too. i was too tired to cook, so i went out for dinner. by the time i got home, all i wanted to do was watch a little TV to numb my brain. which it did... and i ended up asleep on the couch, then dragging myself to bed in the middle of the night, only to wake up late the next day. lather, rinse, repeat.

it doesn't keep getting worse; i don't shift by an hour a day. i'm just consistently an hour or so off my game. and that makes much more of a difference than i would have anticipated. apparently, the body gets more attached to its patterns as we age. *wry grin*

anyhoo, i made it in only about a half hour late today. it was gorgeous out all day, walking in and stepping out in the afternoon - comfortably cool and sunny, one of those perfect New England fall days... and i was consigned to the salt mines for much of it. i would much rather have been planting bulbs and mulching down the beds of my currently non-existent garden. i need to start planting again. i'm envious of my neighbors and the community garden, plots of tomatoes and bean, herbs and flowers, lots of green growy things.

as it was, i didn't even have the patience to go out and get lunch. i ate the $2 special from the vending machine instead. amazing how well you can eat on $2. i really wanted a burrito, but it would have taken too long to walk over and back.

and here's the contradiction: i goofed off all day in the office. i got up and walked around, stretched, played Solitaire, checked my mail... but at least each one of those afforded me the chance to get back to work immediately. i needed small breaks; a longer one where i would think of a solution then have to walk 20 minutes back to the office would have made me frantic.

i woke up thinking about work. that's how flooded with details my brain is. it sounds masochistic, but in a way, i really like that. i like being engaged in a project. i love figuring out problems. i'm much happier when i'm being challenged. to a point, that is. ;)

caught up with my bro, and rescheduled for next weekend. i tried to joke about it and say that he gets a whole birthday month this way. probably not necessary, as he didn't seem to think it was that big a deal, but i still feel badly.

and i made plans with some friends to catch up at CBC tomorrow night. oh. my. god. i had gotten a note from one of the guys the other day, asking if i wanted to meet up at the brewery. for reasons i'm not exactly clear on, he told me he runs the football pool down there. and there was a segue from football pool to pool boy to cabana boy. *snerkle* he actually signed his note Cabana Boy. if i'd known football came with those, i would have been following the sport much more closely.

the beauty of that nickname (which, never fear, will be widely repeated to everyone) is that he gave it to himself. how perfect is that? he can't even object to it... because he Chose It Himself. hee hee.

i've been sitting here in the bar, writing all this down in my paper journal, watching baseball and laughing at the ads on TV. the Intel one with the aliens especially makes me giggle. speaking of ads, there's been something about the music in car ads recently that really bothers me. most of them are using songs i can place - Kraftwerk, Chris Isaac. it's the one or two that i know i know but can't place that are making me nuts. it's some funky beat, and probably on a CD i have... and i can't name the song or the band.

when i saw Lewis Black last month, he did a riff on ads that still has me laughing. he says he used to watch the Superbowl for the game. now, he just watches for the ads. during the game, he stands in front of his 'fridge and stares at junk. and the ads are surreal. three rabbits sitting on a log, one goes home and kills himself - buy our soap. um, helloooo? :) i wish i knew how to get in touch with him; not only is he a very funny man, but i'd love to send him a copy of English as a Second Fucking Language. somehow just seems appropriate.

as i've been sitting here, trying to write, i've also been chatting with one of my bartenders who is on this side of the bar for a change. it's great fun to have one of those 'did you ever see?' 'were you at that concert?' 'what did you think of that set?' kinds of conversations. got me to thinking about the phases i've gone thru with the arts, music, stage shows, and nonprofits. there's an essay in there somewhere, i'm sure... have to noodle around with that one some more later.

speaking of phases, much to my surprise, it's been nearly three weeks since i've seen my best friend. i can't remember the last time that happened. speaks volumes about where we both are in our lives. hope she knows that i plan on working to stay in touch. she can't get away that easily. ;)

interesting phenomenon about keeping a paper journal and writing in public. i write wherever i happen to be. and for some reason, people feel free to ask me what i'm writing and why. in some ways, it's okay, because i am doing this in a public space. then again... do you ask people what they're talking about on their cell phones, or just talking to a friend? no, i thought not. interesting dichotomy. i do want an audience. but i don't want it while i'm writing, only after the fact.

that being said, thanks for reading. :)

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