2001-07-10
feeling kinda
i so do not want to let go of the buzz from this weekend. i mean, i'm usually the organized, compulsive, freakily controlling one. and i wasn't. and it was good. lots of relaxing, and sleeping, food and affection, sun and salt and water... it was all good. i so rarely let myself get to that place that, having gotten there, i'm loathe to let it go. however, someone has to be a wage slave to keep the cats in catnip and kitty kibble.
i have a card up on my refrigerator. it's a Stine illustration of a wacked out cat, toungue hanging out a bit, upside down inside a bottle, like one of those boat models. the text says 'cat having worked real very hard to get somewhere, now wondering where it is she really got.' i got it when i was getting divorced. just bought it. something about that image just made sense to me. and it's sort of how i'm feeling again.
i mean, i have a decent job (knock on wood) to pay the rent, and a good personal life, and plenty of things to make me happy. but if i get so wound up in the process of all that that i need to crawl out of my head, then how much is it all really worth?
eh. can't think about that right now. it'll just make me crazy. it's already making me crazy. i can feel the gremlins in my head getting restless.
so what did i do to deal with it and shut them up? right. i went shopping. not that i'm a big shopper. i tend to shop with a goal. look for something, find it, get out. makes my girl friends (of which i have one) a bit nutty sometimes, because i hate to browse. anyway... i went down to meet up with ChicaBeanie at the salon, and we cruised up and down Newbury street looking for shoes for me.
it's important that i find these shoes. i went out last week, having put money in my account to buy a house present for my bro and sis-in-law, and promptly blew it all on a new outfit from Ann Taylor. bit out of character for me, but they were having a sale. i was really taken with a black and white ensemble they had on display, and found one for myself. the top is a black silk sleeveless wrap, with a Mandarin-style collar, but with lots more cleavage. and the pants are white silk, with a nice grosgrain finish. i can't even remember the last time i owned white pants.
of course, an outfit like that deserves good accessories. so i found a silver torque, and looked for shoes. i found the perfect pair. black slides, low heel, thin strap in the front. perfect.
you know what's going to happen, right? they didn't have them in my size. they did have them a half size off, and one of that pair was on display. the sales person looked for 10 minutes for the other shoe, and couldn't find it. gah. so now i have the perfect slinky sexy take me to dinner and fuck me outfit, but no shoes.
this is a Problem.
CB said i should come down and check out the Ann Taylor by her, so i headed down after work. no dice. so close, and yet not even. we tromped up and down the street, looking in a zillion different places. and they all came close. but somehow, despite the fact i'd dropped a whack of money on the outfit, i couldn't bring myself to drop another $60 on shoes, particularly if they weren't perfect. it's not as if i don't have shoes. i do. i have tons of shoes. it's my one girly weakness. i even have gone so far as to buy a sweet little pair of green pumps that match exactly nothing in my wardrobe, just because i liked them. but i had to find the perfect pair for this outfit.
it donned on me as we were looking that i really want the Chinese Laundry ones in silk. they're brutally high - 4" heels, and no platform in the front. i would probably kill myself wearing them, but damnit, i'd look good doing it. :) so i think i'll try Sola tomorrow and see if they have those.
in other news: had a nice chat with sheana tonight. it was the first time we've talked for any length of time, and it was great fun to get to know her. funny, sarcastic woman, she is. check 'er out.
got the couch all paid off, and it's set to be delivered this Friday. Friday the 13th. huh. hope that doesn't give me bad couch karma. i think i said that already. it must be bothering me more than i thought. i'm not usually given to superstition like that, but given the recent spate of events, the last year or so, i'm a bit jumpier than usual. anyway, CB has offered to take me rug shopping on Sunday, so i can gussy up the living room the way it should be. maybe i'll actually get around to getting some framing done now, and hang up a few other things that have just been sitting around waiting for me to find some motivation.
here's hoping that i make it thru the rest of the week. i managed to triple book myself for parts of the weekend. silly me. this is what calendars are for. i really should learn to use them properly. so i have to be in three places at once Friday. i think i've managed to duck out of one (unfortunately, it's a wine tasting, and the thing i most wanted to do), and am going to try to get out of the concert early (since i get paid for that, i really should show up) so i can go see another show. JBE is back in town, and he has all kinds of new songs. with any luck, i'll be able to get to TTs before they hit the stage. do you think i could try to cram anything else into one day? yeah, probably. ;)
