the danish outpost
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on the fritz

10.08.2002

feeling kinda how a girl feels

birthday countdown: 9 days.

i am beyond infuriated. my exhusband has finally and truly pushed me over the edge. every time i think he's out of my life, he finds a new and more aggravating way to come back into it. the entire divorce process was riduculous - despite the fact that he asked me, i still had to have my lawyer threaten to send cops after him to get the damn papers back to file on time. then he tries to introduce me to his girlfriend - as if i would have any interest in that. but this. this takes the fucking cake, icing, candles and all.

he called shortly before Easter, wanting to get together. this set off the radar immediately. divorce final three years ago, and we didn't even exchange words that day? why would he want to get together to 'chat'? i told him that whatever he had to say, he could do over the phone. 'i'm getting married.' great, wonderful, bon chance and good speed. why call me? i doubt it's because you want me to be the flower girl. oh, wait - *thwomp* there's the other shoe. he asked me for an annulment.

you read that right. neither of us are Catholic (altho apparently he's converting), we've been divorced for three years, and neither of our churches have a problem with divorce. so why? aaahhhh... get this. his fiancče will be *tossed in jail* if he doesn't get an annulment. do you detect the aroma of a huge pile of steaming animal offal in there somewhere? he lies to me, and he brings up the Catholic Corporation. i say that i won't do anything to help him. i then go and scream into a pillow for an hour or so before packing up to head down to the family stead for Easter weekend. not much stress in that morning, oh, nosirree bob.

i toyed with the idea of entering testimony, even going so far as to ask a few people if they would also testify. and then i decided it wasn't worth it. why drag myself thru all of that? and anyway, after reading a fair amount of canon law, it appears that you can say you were hung over when you took your vows, so it didn't really count as a conscious decision in good faith. with that loophole, i stopped reading. i don't care if he gets the annulment, and if he has found someone who makes him happy, best wishes. i made myself pretty miserable trying to write out my entire marriage experience, and then one day, i let it go. *poof* gone. not my problem. and the days seemed brighter.

then i got the paperwork. the preliminary decision from the tribunal was this: defect, by reason of partial simulation of intent to have children, on the part of the respondent'. that would be me, folks. and it simply isn't true. It. Isn't. True. i wanted to have more kids than he did. he's a big believer in zero growth population, which should go over well with the Catholic bride.

i completely lost my shit on that one. yes, i was pregnant. *we* decided that it wasn't the right time, as he wasn't employed and we didn't have the money to even cover our bills, let alone raise a kid. after talking with the judge on the case, here's what i found: he says that i made a decision by fiat, and gave him no option for input, and killed our child.

*rolls head, stretching out neck* this is what he said to my lawyer when we got divorced: he didn't like my cats.

i'm contesting this. you can bet your socks on that one. there was no need to use that as justification, except perhaps to appease the Catholic bride. he could have said that we got married too young, too soon, to satisfy our families, because all of our friends were doing it. that would have been true, and sufficient. instead, he lied. and of all the lies, he picked the single most painful one he could.

there is not a day i don't think about Corwyn Michael and wonder. he would be seven now, nearly the same age as my niece. would they be friends? how would he be doing in school? would he like vegetables, or hide his carrots, like i did?

i refuse to let fritz get away with this. he can have his annulment, but i'll be damned if he gets it by lying and blaming me for what he termed 'an execution'.

i called his house and left a violent voice mail. honestly, i can't remember what i said, i was that angry. i tracked down his email and place of work. i sent him email thru his personal business site, via form, asking for the courtesy of an explanation. i fantasized about taking all the photos out of the wedding album and hot gluing them to his car (i've always had a weakness for art cars). and in what my friends termed the master stroke, i called his office, asked for him, and when the receptionist asked who was calling, i perkily said 'his wife! thanks!'. (hell, if he's still trying to dissolve the marriage, i must still be his wife, right?) he refused to take the call, and she claimed he didn't have voice mail. doesn't matter. the bullet hit home, and i could hear the gossip mill roar into action.

he of all people should know not to fuck with me by lying. and he picked precisely the wrong person to piss off. i have absolutely nothing to lose. we have no mutual friends, we never see each other, our families aren't in contact. i have nothing to lose, and everything to gain - i *will* not let him paint me as a murderer (his word) because it suits his needs. he never really got the idea of responsibility for one's own actions when we were married, and i *will* not let him pawn off solely on me something that was just as much his doing and his decision. and if he doesn't get the damn annulment in time, it's not my fault. it's the result of choices he made (a point that often seems to escape him).

never fuck with an angry woman who has nothing to lose.

yesterday :: tomorrow

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